WHO WE ARE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

But here it is anyway — because the fight demands transparency.

Who Are We?
Who The Fu*k Are You?

We’ve Seen Things. Rot behind the sneeze guard. Fruit salad left out like a trap. Coleslaw served warm… on purpose. We’ve seen deli workers raw-dogging the potato salad with ungloved hands, laughing like there weren’t lives at stake. We’ve seen the label left blank. The temp logs forged. The goddamn shrimp cocktail sweatin’ in the sun like it had a death wish. We watched an entire Cub Scout troop go down from one deviled egg and we remember every name.

The Soldiers

They’re not executives. They’re not “team members.” They’re the last line between civilization and a mayonnaise-fueled breakdown. Each one of them has seen a sneeze travel across a salad bar like a bullet in slow motion. They’ve sanitized with bare hands and spit. They’ve told the USDA where to shove it. You don’t hire this crew. You deploy them.